And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
