Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
