I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
