I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
