You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
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5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
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A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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