New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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