If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
