wrigley field is MILF paradise
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
