I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
