oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
