Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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