I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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