someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
