I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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