It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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