he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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