Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
