Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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