just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
