we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
