Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
