i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
