Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
