i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize