probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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