I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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