She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
