I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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