my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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