life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
