508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
