remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
