Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize