i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
