You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
