new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
