This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
