i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
