Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
