people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
