I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
