R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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