I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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