what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
