I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
