Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
