i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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