Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
