remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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