Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
