I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This baby is an asshole
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
