Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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