So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
