If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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