I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize