Moan for me like Helen Keller
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
