She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
