i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
