Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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