all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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