woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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