Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
