fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
