So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
foreskin is a definite game changer
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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