life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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