don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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