If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
