i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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