Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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