No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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