Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
