Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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