On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
