This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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