Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
