alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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