plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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