I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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