have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
