i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
