Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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