At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
