One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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